


His Last Moments

by SoruyaWrites



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash's thoughts during his death, Blood Loss, Canon Compliant, Dying Dream, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27089401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoruyaWrites/pseuds/SoruyaWrites
Summary: Ash's inner thoughts while reading Eiji's letter and during his death.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	His Last Moments

**Author's Note:**

> I was super torn up about the ending to Banana Fish and decided to write this to try to explore Ash's headspace and expand upon his thoughts during his death.

Ash looked down sadly at the envelope in his hand. His name is written in a soft cursive, reflecting Eiji’s own softness and care. Despite everything he put Eiji through, Eiji still thought about him. Maybe he should’ve gone to see Eiji after all. A proper final farewell before they went back to their separate worlds again.

No. He couldn’t. Eiji needs to be safe, away from Ash’s violent world full of guns and death. Their paths would never cross again, but for Ash, he convinced himself it was enough to have been with Eiji for a short while.

The air is cold. The gray skies make Ash feel even more resigned and wistful. But he knows this is for the best. If the one person who truly cared about him could remain alive and well in this world, that was enough for Ash. Even if they could never meet again, Ash will always hold his memories of Eiji close to his heart.

However, he still wants to know what Eiji had to tell him. Tiny snowflakes start falling gently as Ash slowly opens the envelope, careful not to make any unnecessary tears in the paper as he pulls back the flap. A plane ticket with the name “Aslan Jade Callenreese.” The destination was “Tokyo, Japan.” Ash felt his heart skip a beat. Eiji… He still wanted to show Ash his home country and welcome Ash into his world. Even with all the blood Ash had on his hands… No. As much as he cared about Eiji, there was no way he could just walk away from his past sins that easily.

Nevertheless, Ash still reached over and unfolded the letter enclosed inside of the envelope and began reading. He felt a twisted pang of relief and guilt at reading Eiji’s first few words, expressing worry for Ash. Eiji was alive and safe, but his first thoughts still went to Ash. Ash sadly thought back to the last time he saw Eiji in the hospital wing. If only he could’ve stayed by Eiji’s side back then…

“But I never feared you, not once.” Ash had heard Eiji say this before, and he believed Eiji then, but somehow this time, the words finally sink in and stick for Ash. As he reads on, Ash understands why exactly Eiji didn’t fear him. Most people would encounter Ash Lynx and see a skilled fighter, leader, or killer, or they would see someone beautiful to be defiled. Instead, Eiji saw past those immediate images of Ash Lynx and saw someone who was brilliant but hurting and yearning for freedom. And Eiji never abandoned or took advantage of him. Ash gravitated towards Eiji because of this unconditional kindness and love, even though he felt he didn’t always deserve it. Ash continues reading.

“I wanted to protect you from fate.” Ash’s eyes widened at Eiji’s tender words. Although Ash was usually the one acting as a protector to Eiji, he couldn’t deny that it was Eiji and his unwavering loyalty that helped him pull through. Whenever all seemed lost before, Eiji was there to offer him hope. His heart ached. He missed Eiji.

 _Eiji, all this time…_ Suddenly struck with a realization, Ash stood up and started running towards the direction of the airport. There was still plenty of time left before the plane departed. Ash could make it to Eiji. He could see Eiji smile again. He could board the plane with him and Ibe and leave New York and his sins behind. Perhaps, Ash could change his fate after all. He could start over and live the normal, happy life that was always out of his reach. He could see Japan, a world beyond his own. He could be with Eiji—

Swift footsteps. A dark shadow. The cold stinging pierce of a knife entering his abdomen. Ash froze where he stood. His eyes widened in a solemn understanding. As the knife sank deeper into his side, Ash’s hopes of following Eiji to Japan were replaced with ugly remembrances of the lives he had ended. _Ah… there really was no way… after everything I’d done._

“Why… did you let your guard down?!” A low, rough voice. Ash felt his body instinctively react on its own. His right hand instantly whipped his gun out and pulled the trigger on his assailant. The gunshot resounded loudly in the empty street.

“No hard feelings…” the same voice rasped out. Ash clutched his side as it bled. He was panting and glaring at Lao, whose hood had fallen to reveal his frightened and bloody face. Then he heard the flutter of papers nearby. _Eiji!_

Ash crouched down frantically to pick up the pages of Eiji’s letter. The pages became marked with Ash’s blood as Ash held them in his hands once again. He winced and let out a grimace of pain as he stood back up, clutching his side with one of his hands. However, the warm blood coating his hand didn’t stop him as he started limping away, reading the rest of the letter.

Eiji’s recounting of the “The Snows of Kilimanjaro” and what Ash told him about the ill-fated snow leopard in the letter caused tears to form in Ash’s eyes. _You always believed in my humanity, Eiji. Even when I felt I was anything but human._ Ash let out a pained sigh and watched his breath form a small cloud in the cold air. He wasn’t the leopard trekking atop Mt. Kilimanjaro. He was human. However, simply being human wouldn’t be enough to change his fate. That would be too good to be true. World-shattering, in fact. He was too far past the point of no return to truly reverse his destiny.

The snowfall had slowed down considerably, and some sun rays were peeking through the dark clouds. Ash briefly looked up at the small rays of sunlight, before he felt more blood spill over his hand. He keels over, gasping in pain. _I can’t stay out like this any longer._ Ash grits his teeth and grips the letter tightly as he clumsily walks in the direction of the New York Public Library.

***

The warm air of the library inside feels welcoming. Ash enters the Rose Room and glances up towards the table where he and Eiji always sat. It was empty. Ash stumbled forward towards Eiji’s usual seat, his vision starting to blur around the edges and his footsteps faltering from exhaustion. _No please, just hold out for a little longer._ Ash’s breathing was heavy. His stab wound started to ache and sting once more. When he arrived at Eiji’s seat, he immediately placed a hand forward to steady himself on the table. Then he quickly sank down into the chair and uncrumpled Eiji’s letter, now marked with more splotches of bloody fingerprints. He strains to focus again on Eiji’s words.

“My soul is always with you.” Ash’s tears fall freely onto the page. He was loved. He is loved. He cries more as Eiji’s declaration of love warms his heart and his whole being, overwhelming him.

_Eiji, even if it was only for a little while, I was truly happy with you_. He looked up towards the ceiling as the sunlight shone more brightly through the room, as though calling to God to carry his feelings to Eiji. His vision is becoming blurrier, from the tears or blood loss he couldn’t tell. He rereads the last line of Eiji’s letter once more, feeling his heart ache.

_You really meant ‘forever,’ huh? If only I could’ve promised you the same._ Ash smiles through his tears at his regretful thought. _But your being safe, happy, and free from my world of hell… it really is… more than enough for me._ Ash closes his eyes and gently brushes his right hand over the letter. _And at least, I can leave this world with a part of you by my side, just as you promised me many times before... and even now._ Ash could feel his dizziness get worse and his body starting to go numb, barely feeling any sting from the stab wound. He laid his head down on the table and let himself drift off into a long sleep.

***

Ash opened his eyes and found himself sitting under the shade of an old oak tree. He reached up to grasp his side and looked down to discover that his wound was gone, with no traces of blood to show it was even there to begin with. He looks up to see a wide golden field of rye around him, blowing gently in the breeze. The sun is shining brightly just above the horizon.

“A dream?” Ash asks softly. He then stands up slowly, gazing at the bright rye field ahead of him. His eyes are filled with confusion, but calm as he senses there is no danger nearby. He takes a few steps out from under the tree’s shade and closes his eyes and breathes slowly, letting himself bask in the breeze.

“Ash!” a voice calls out in the distance. Ash opens his eyes again, looking around for the source of the voice.

“Ash!” it calls out again. It sounds so familiar, but could it be?

“Ash!” This time, the voice rings out loud and clear. Ash now runs into the rye field, searching more frantically. As Ash turns his head side to side, a flock of birds suddenly flies by, obscuring his vision with their fluttering wings. Ash brings his hands up to shield himself.

When he lowers his arms, he sees the back of a figure ahead of him with arms outstretched, seeming to glow in the sunlight. As Ash walks forward, he gasps softly in recognition.

“Eiji…” Despite how quiet his voice is, Eiji still seems to hear him as he turns around and looks at Ash, smiling brightly. Ash only stares back in amazement and wonder. Eiji is here and happy to see Ash. His smile is as warm and gentle as Ash remembers.

Ash allows himself to smile back at Eiji. Then he walks forward until he’s standing right in front of Eiji. Eiji reaches out his hand towards Ash, which Ash gently grasps as they stand side by side and watch the sunset together. After the sun sinks below the horizon, Eiji squeezes Ash’s hand gently and leans his head onto Ash’s shoulder, and the world around them is enveloped in darkness.


End file.
